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i really, really, really want to find a job.

more than anything i've wanted in my life basically.

i don't want a shitty retail job. i don't want a shitty job serving people or doing customer service. i don't want to work 40 hours a week hating each hour more than the next.

i have so many different things that i want to do but since i can't really afford to do them i'm stuck trying to patch things together to aid in not falling into some kind of funk/depressed state where i'm miserable constantly and spend all waking hours at home.

sometimes i really hate answering questions about my job search since everyone knows it's gone nowhere up until this point and that i've faced one crappy situation after another. i like talking about myself and the fact my friends have interest in my well-being on one level or another...i just don't want to continually think about the thing i've found to be the most frustrating thing ever for me. so really it is starting to become a "let's not talk about it unless you have a lead/know your/your friends company is hiring" deal.

in the end, i'm really starting to understand why people get a little angry when they're continually reminded of their failures.

in happier news...everything else unrelated to work/money is going great. my relationship with my family is great. relationship is still going great. friendships (with the exception of a couple that are make me feel uneasy) are still incredibly strong. living situation is good. overall morale is still pretty high. i'm playing sports more and more on a weekly basis (which is awesome).

on a separate note...EVERYONE is having or making babies. it's like the interest in getting married died out over the past 2 years and now everyone is all about making babies. what the hell is going on? it's redonkulous.

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I've gathered that conventional methods of applying for jobs have become a waste of time. Because so many people know a cousin, or an uncles son, or a friend looking for a job, they get first choice over the randoms who apply. By law randoms need to get an interview. I've always hated asking my dads friends, or people who are in a company for a job thinking it will damage my pride really. But if I can't beat them, might as well join them.

the problem is that many people i know either a) work as some kind of position like social worker/teacher and i wouldn't be able to get in a district b) does not have a job c) works a shitty retail or serving job or d) has little or no pull in their organization. i had been working jess pretty hard to get me into accenture but then ran into the "we'll give you a job when we get one" deal.

in reality, i know a few of the things that hold me back with getting interviews. i can't really do much about them at this point until i actually get a career job. all i can do is keep reaching for the needle in the haystack for now heh.

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